Motherhood and Mental Health: 3 Ways to Boost Your Wellbeing

In motherhood, the needs come at you thick and fast. Whether you’re nuzzling a newborn, or spending your days navigating the timings of school drop-offs and work meetings, self-care can feel like yet another thing to add to your to-do list (along with juggling work, the home and relationships).

As a psychotherapist and mother of 3 kids, I know so well how tough it can be to have any time or energy left to focus on yourself. After years of working with parents to help them find ways to nurture themselves whilst raising children, I have 3 tried-and-tested ways to get a little bit more of what you need, regardless of what chaos ensues.

1: Embrace rest

I know, I know, it’s easier said than done. But bear with me. We often think of rest as something we do at the end of the day when all is done, and we’re simply too exhausted to do anymore. 

But I want to encourage you to welcome any small opportunities to rest that arise throughout your day. The more you give out in energy, be it emotional or physical, the more you need to recoup and refuel. 

Here are three ways to be restful that don’t involve taking a nap (although I fully advocate for that too!):

• Moving and talking slower. If you find yourself dashing around your own home, know that fast movement gives your mind and body the impression that you are at risk somehow, prompting your nervous system to respond with an injection of stress hormone. Moving a little more slowly where you can does the opposite, and promotes calm and clarity.

• Seek some sensory deprivation. In this digital age we are constantly bombarded with notifications and noise. Our minds and bodies are constantly trying to filter and process all of the incoming information. To give yourself some much-needed respite, place your fingers over your eyes as you close them, and use your thumbs to press your ears closed. Take a deep inhale and a steady exhale, and enjoy a moment of stress-busting calm.

• Cut a corner. Perfectionism is the enemy of rest! Consider how you might make the road a little smoother for yourself where possible. Swap out perfectionism for the brilliant, energy preserving aim of ‘good enough’. Embrace the fall-back freezer meals, delegate simple age-appropriate jobs to your kids, or declare that ‘good enough is good enough’ on a task you’d usually exhaust yourself on finishing to a higher standard.

2: Find your community

It is a deep human need to feel seen, acknowledged and understood. Investing in a few core relationships feeds that need, and ensures that you don’t have to hold up an exhausting mask of ‘I’m fine’ when in truth, the juggle is a struggle. 

Perhaps you have friends and family members to turn to, or maybe you’re entering a new stage of parenting in which you don’t quite know where to turn to for what you need. Maybe, like me, you’re navigating a different parenting route to the one you expected (my son was diagnosed with autism last summer), and don’t see your experience echoed in the families around you. 

Here are my top tips to help you find those core people.

• Challenge yourself to go beyond the ‘I’m okay’ when asked. You don’t have to tell everyone everything, but opening up that little bit further to a friend or family member helps cultivate that depth of relationship that you may crave. Honesty is like a muscle that needs to be strengthened, and these conversations get easier with time as you enjoy new levels of openness and support.

• If you find it hard to make new friendships, go to the same places at the same times! Whether you explore a new hobby or take your child to a playgroup each week, you’re more likely to feel able to chat to someone once they become a familiar face. They may even start talking to you first!

• If you’d benefit from specific support for an element of parenting that feels different to what those around you are experiencing, then explore online support groups. I have found it so helpful having other parents of autistic children to speak to. Not only can I ask questions, but it is comforting and validating to know that they understand the specific challenges I face each day.

3: Parent yourself!

So much of what we read is all about parenting, right? When actually, one of the most powerful things you can do to help find a little more ease in your parenting, is to make sure that you’re parenting yourself with the same care you parent your children. 

We all have that inner voice, don’t we? It’s a constant inner dialogue that responds to the world around us and can speak kindly or critically. Think of this voice as your inner parent as you consider these two things:

(1) Question your inner chatter. The conversation you have with yourself is the most important conversation you will ever have! It feeds (or starves) your self-esteem. If you spoke to your child in the way you spoke to yourself, how would it impact their confidence or sense of deservedness to be loved?

If the way you speak to yourself wouldn’t be good enough for your child, then it’s not good enough for you either. If you notice this internal chatter to be critical, impatient or cruel, consider how you’d speak to your child, or someone you cared about, and extend this kindness towards yourself. As you practise this, you’ll begin to notice your inner world becoming a nicer place to be, and your self-esteem will receive a boost too!

(2) Give yourself a break. When our children are learning, we want to give them space to get things wrong as they try to navigate new areas of life. In the same way, parenting is always presenting new challenges too, and it’s a huge thing to expect ourselves to get it right all the time. Ensure that, as you try to navigate new challenges, you are taking into account that you’re learning and growing as you go. Lean on resources, ask for advice and seek support where you need it.

I hope these thoughts and tips will help boost your wellbeing in parenthood as you navigate the joys and challenges that come with it. Just as you seek to nurture your children’s wellbeing, you are also equally deserving of rest, support, and a kind inner voice. Not only will your motherhood thrive as you strengthen these things, but your children will benefit from seeing the sparkle in your eye as you meet those needs.

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Anna Mathur is a psychotherapist and bestselling author. She's passionate about taking therapy out of the therapy room and sharing her personal and professional experiences to support mums through motherhood. She shares supportive insights on Instagram (@annamathur) and through her books, her popular podcast The Therapy Edit (hurtling towards 2m+ downloads) and the resources available in the Anna Mathur Toolkit. Anna has appeared on Woman's Hour and Good Morning Britain and been featured in Grazia, Stylist and The Telegraph. Find out more about Anna here.